allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
