I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
