I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
