Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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