I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
