I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize