so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
