It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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