Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
