My first STD was from a foam party
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
