ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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