Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
