I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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