There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
