dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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