The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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