I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
