My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
