I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Couch. On fire.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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