His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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