i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
