Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up under a house in Key West
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
