Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
