Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
