Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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