his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
