ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
