Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
