I met the friendliest cop last night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
