when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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