Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
