What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
