i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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