Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
