i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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