Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
