I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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