We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
