i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize