ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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