Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
