is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
