Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
