Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize