There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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