1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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