why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
