i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
