he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
