Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize