conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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