Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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