feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
