U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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