GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
