He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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