Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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