do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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