Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
