When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
