Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
