Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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