I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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