I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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