I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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