when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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