I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So much rum. So many feels.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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