Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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