Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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