Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
