i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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